


Some Kind of Miracle

by justyrae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Flirting, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: Niall’s body is going into overdrive. His head feels like it’s spinning, his heart is racing, and his throat is suddenly so dry it feels like he hasn’t had water in years. He never, never thought he’d see Louis again.





	Some Kind of Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR MONTHS AND I FINALLY FINISHED IT AND NOW I GET TO POST?? unreal.
> 
> a million thanks and hugs to everyone who helped me stay on track with this fic, but especially to **akai-coat** and **dearmrsawyer**. love u guys!
> 
> this is loosely based on the denny duquette storyline in grey's anatomy but PLEASE NOTE that there is no major character death. i wouldn't do that to you guys.

There's a twinge in Niall's back; he knew he'd done something to it during his shift the day before, and sitting on the floor isn't doing him any favors. He tries to twist, to work out the sore muscles without accidentally knocking into Zayn, but the space they're currently sharing is tiny at best and he does it anyway. Zayn groans a little but isn't bothered enough to actually swat Niall in return, he's too preoccupied with trying to get in a few more precious minutes of sleep.

"Zayn," Niall says, nudging Zayn's shoulder with his elbow as he rubs his back. Zayn grunts in response but doesn't open his eyes. "Zayn."

"What?"

"You were on rotation with Ortho last week, yeah?"

"Yeah," Zayn answers tiredly, turning his head towards Niall without opening his eyes. "What about it?"

"My back's killing me," Niall complains. "Could you, like?"

Zayn opens one eye and glances at where Niall's got a hand pressed against his back and then looks up at his face, opening his other eye to give him a severely unimpressed look.

"I'm not a fucking chiropractor, I'm a surgeon."

"Forget it," Niall grumbles as he tries to stretch his back. He knocks his head against the door, wincing immediately at the pain and then jumping at the sound coming from the other side.

"Fuck," Zayn grumbles, though his voice is hardly heard over the loud barking coming through the door. "Now you've done it."

"I thought it'd finally left," Niall groans. "We're going to be fucking late."

"If Harry didn't let it roam free," Zayn starts, though he doesn't have to finish for Niall to agree without even saying another word.

 _It'll be great!_ Harry had said. _Wouldn't you like to have someone to come home to, at the end of a long day? Dogs give unconditional love, you know. Wouldn't that be nice?_

Niall still doesn't quite know how they went from telling Harry getting a dog was a terrible idea when the three of them spent more time at the hospital than at home, to Harry actually _getting_ a fucking dog. It just appeared there one day, and promptly took over the entire fucking house.

"I like dogs," Zayn says. "Dogs are great. I see dogs on the street and think, yeah, I'd love to have a dog."

He jerks away from the door when there's a loud bang and a particularly vicious bark. Niall presses his feet against the door, just in case.

"But that dog?" Zayn scoffs. "It's the goddamn devil."

"It's _Harry's_ dog," Niall says. "Aren't dogs supposed to take after their owners?"

"Leave it to Harry to pick a dog that's totally fucking insane."

"At least it doesn't break into _your_ room at night," Niall mutters. He'd woken up this morning with his shirt covered in drool and a great lump of a dog taking up more than half of his bed. When he'd tried to push it off, it had bared its teeth and started snarling.

Niall's been in the bathroom ever since.

"Did Harry come home last night?" Niall asks.

"Dunno." Zayn shrugs, yawning widely as he tries to get comfortable without getting too close to the toilet. "I didn't get off til one so I wasn't home til after two."

"Fuck." Niall checks his watch again. "I'm starting Cardio today, I can't be late. Dr. Rexha will tell Bres, and Bressie'll hang me with my own scrubs."

"Shut up," Zayn murmurs, seemingly half asleep already. "You're Bressie's favorite, everyone knows that."

"Only because I'm _not late_ ," Niall replies as he scrambles to get to his feet. He puts an ear to the door and strains to hear for any noise on the other side. "Think it's gone?"

"Probably waiting for us to come out so it can eat us." Zayn sighs. "I'm telling you, that mutt is out for blood."

"I think it's gone," Niall says as he moves to open the door a crack. As soon as the door's open, he hears something, but it's not what he was expecting. It's Harry's voice.

Niall opens the door wider and peeks his head out only to see Harry at the end of the hall with the dog, rubbing its belly and cooing to it like it wasn't just trying to break down the bathroom door. Niall kicks at Zayn's foot and gestures for him to get up, which he does with a fair amount of grumbling and cursing.

"There you two are!" Harry says brightly before a look of confusion spreads across his face. "Niall, why aren't you dressed? We're going to be late!"

Niall and Zayn share a look before they both shuffle off down the hallway towards their respective rooms, leaving Harry and the dog alone without an explanation. It's too early in the morning for Harry to be so cheerful and also so absurdly thick-headed when it comes to that stupid dog.

*

Niall's mood has lifted considerably by the time he and Harry make it to the hospital, despite the fact that they've been arguing the entire way about the stupid dog. Harry insists that it's not the vicious, bloodthirsty beast that Niall and Zayn know it to be, and that they both just need to spend a bit more time with it so they can bond.

"Absolutely not," Niall says. "That thing will bite me hand off if I let it get too close."

"He will not," Harry protests. "Ferdinand is a perfectly lovely dog, and if you'd just--"

"Hang on, what?" Niall stops in his tracks in the middle of the car park. "Tell me you did not name the dog…"

"Ferdinand," Harry repeats.

"Jesus Christ," Niall mutters under his breath, shaking his head as he resumes walking at a quicker pace, half-hoping he'll leave Harry behind. It's a pipe dream at most, given Harry's got the longest legs Niall's ever seen, and soon he's back to talking Niall's ear off about the bloody dog.

It's a relief when they go their separate ways after changing into their scrubs; Harry's still on a rotation in Neuro with Dr. Grimshaw, while Niall books it up to the third floor for his first day on Cardio with Dr. Rexha. Word is she's got a heart transplant patient coming in, and Niall is planning on doing literally _anything_ he has to in order to scrub in.

"Ah, there you are, Little."

Niall comes to a screeching halt upon rounding the corner, finding Bressie standing in the middle of the hallway with a chart under his arm. Even though Niall had denied it when Zayn brought it up, he _was_ the resident's favorite intern. Niall strongly suspects it has a lot to do with them both being Irish in a British hospital, and the fact that they both have the same first name.

He sort of wishes Brez wouldn't call him Little, but he's not about to argue.

"'m not late, am I?" Niall checks his watch and is relieved to see that he's _technically_ two minutes early.

"Nah," Bressie answers, jerking his head down the hallway. Niall follows, taking the chart when Bressie holds it out for him. "You've read up on the case, yeah?"

"Did it last night before I left," Niall answers as he checks over the chart, making sure nothing's changed since the patient was admitted. "Is Dr. Rexha going to do the transplant today?"

"If all goes well," Bressie says. "But I wouldn't hold my breath 'til both the patient and the new heart are in the OR."

Niall exhales sharply, out of pure instinct. He pretends not to see the look Bressie gives him, instead staring down at the chart again.

"Alright, Little." Bressie slides open the door to the patient's room. "Time to show us what you've got."

Niall's not expecting there to be anyone else in the room apart from the patient, but he's sorely mistaken when he steps through the doorway. The bed's surrounded by all manner of hospital personnel from nurses to technicians to even a couple of attendings. Those standing by the foot of the patient's bed move aside when Niall and Bressie come in, and that's when Niall gets his first good look at Louis Tomlinson.

"Brought your entourage, I see?" Bressie remarks dryly. Louis gives him a lazy grin in return and shrugs his shoulders.

"Couldn't disappoint my fans, you know. Was wondering when you'd come around, Brez."

"Alright, everyone, clear out," Bressie says loudly. "Haven't you all got other people to look after?"

Niall stays quiet and rooted to the spot as the rest of the crowd filters out of the room until it's just the three of them, and suddenly Louis is looking right at him. Not since his first day as an intern well over a year ago has Niall actually wanted to hide behind a chart so badly as he does in that moment. He can actually feel his cheeks turning red, for chrissake, and all Louis is doing is _looking_ at him.

"I hear we've found you a heart," Bressie says once the door slides shut behind the last nurse.

"You'd bloody well better," Louis replies, hardly taking his eyes off Niall. "You know how I feel about this place, I wouldn't come in just for a visit, would I?"

"Fair point," Bressie chuckles and turns to Niall. "So, what do we know about Mr. Tomlinson?"

Niall swallows hard, looking down at the chart just so he can't see Louis continue to stare at him, but the few moments of pause give Louis the opportunity to speak first and Niall's cheeks get even redder.

"Capricorn, single, loves footie and a good Sunday roast."

"Oi," Bressie says, his tone sharp but still good-natured, "shut up and let him show off, would you?"

"Louis Tomlinson, 28." Niall keeps his eyes fixed on the chart as he speaks, his grip tightening with every word to keep the clipboard from shaking in his hands. "Admitted today for a heart transplant, necessitated by a viral cardiomyopathy."

"And what does that mean?" Bressie asks. Niall glances up at him and lets out a breath of relief. He's got this.

"His heart can't fill and pump blood on its own."

"Good." Bressie nods and turns to Louis. "This here is Dr. Horan, he'll be looking after you today before your surgery."

Niall looks from Bressie to Louis and watches as a wide grin spreads across Louis' face.

"Excellent," he says. "Guess we'll be getting to know each other, Dr. Horan."

*

Niall's body is going into overdrive. His head feels like it's spinning, his heart is racing, and his throat is suddenly so dry it feels like he hasn't had water in years. He never, _never_ thought he'd see Louis again.

In thirty seconds he felt like he was nineteen years old all over again in his first year of university. He remembers feeling _just_ like this when he saw Louis for the first time then. He'd walked directly into one of the tables in the lecture hall and drawn the attention of everyone - including Louis - and Niall had been so embarrassed he was sure his face would never go back to its normal color.

Somehow, the last ten minutes were even worse.

It takes a few seconds for Niall to realize Bressie's started walking and that he's meant to follow. Bressie catches him just before his hesitation turns to realization and he raises an eyebrow as Niall awkwardly stumbles to catch up.

"Not paying you to be a statue, y'know."

"Sorry," Niall says. A voice in his head says _I'm hardly being paid at all_ , but Niall bites his tongue before it manages to slip out.

"Alright, we need a full work-up on Tomlinson," Bressie says, slipping back into work mode without missing a beat. He rattles off half a dozen tests that Niall quickly copies down into his notepad.

Even if the lab isn't backed up, there's a good chance it'll take him half the day to get most of the tests done. Normally he'd be upset about spending half the day or more on a single patient, but he doesn't say a word.

After he's finished giving instructions, Bressie waits a beat as though he's expecting Niall to complain. When nothing comes, he dismisses Niall with a wave of his hand.

"Keep your page on, yeah?" Bressie calls over his shoulder as he leaves Niall behind in the hallway. "Dr. Rexha will let us know the moment the heart's available."

He's turned a corner by the end of his sentence, leaving Niall standing stationary in the middle of the hallway. His head's slowed its spin but he doesn't know if he can make it stop before he has to go back into Louis' room. He pulls out his pager and types in a familiar number, and then beelines for the nearest empty room.

Niall's pacing around the room when Zayn gets there, his sneakers squeaking against the hospital floor as he comes to a sudden stop in the doorway.

"What's--" Zayn looks around the room. "I got a page…"

"I paged you," Niall says breathlessly, continuing to pace.

"For what?" Zayn asks. "I was in the middle of--"

"Louis is here!" Niall comes to a stop and looks at Zayn, who stares blankly back at him.

"Who?"

"Louis!"

Zayn blinks. "...Who?"

"For fuck's…" Niall exhales sharply. "Louis!"

"You repeating a name isn't helping, I don't know who--"

"Louis! Louis Tomlinson! The guy I had a crush on first year of uni who up and fucking disappeared! That Louis!"

A few seconds pass before a look of realization crosses Zayn's face, and then it turns to one of exasperation.

"You paged me here to talk about a guy you had a crush on in uni who's… now a patient?"

"Yes," Niall groans. "I have to--"

"You're insane," Zayn interrupts, shaking his head. "And I'm going back downstairs."

"But, Zayn!" Niall rushes after him as Zayn steps out of the room and starts walking towards the lift at the end of the hall. "What am I going to do?!"

"Be his doctor!" Zayn calls over his shoulder. "You're a big boy, I know you can do it!"

Zayn disappears into a lift and Niall groans again. He sits down in a nearby chair and takes a deep breath, weighing his options in his head. On the one hand, he could go to Bressie and say he's got a conflict of interest regarding the patient and ask to be taken off the case. On the other, this is a huge learning opportunity for him, _especially_ if the transplant surgery goes through as planned. It's a choice between being embarrassed and being miserable.

Niall exhales sharply and stands up, telling himself that he can be a professional about this. It's only going to be a few days. He can handle this.

He heads for the nurses' station outside of Louis' room, considering he's got quite the number of forms to fill out before he can set one foot in Louis' room again. It should take long enough that Niall can fully get a grip on himself before he has to see Louis.

What he didn't expect was the nurses' station to be all abuzz with gossip. Niall tries to tune it out as he sets to work on his lab requests, but his ears perk up of their own accord when he hears Louis' name. Even despite his best efforts to not eavesdrop, Niall ends up listening in on the conversation.

What he learns is that _everyone_ in the bloody hospital seems to know Louis. It shouldn't come as a surprise, really. Niall's seen loads of charts for patients with similar congenital heart problems, both in medical school and in the year and a half he's been at the hospital. Sometimes the smallest thing can lead to a hospitalization so it should make perfect sense that Louis is known amongst the cardiology staff.

But what stands out to Niall is the number of people in pink scrubs he sees pass by on their way either to or from Louis' room. Pink scrubs are ubiquitous with the maternity ward, everyone knows that. But why would a guy with a viral cardiomyopathy know all of them?

"Pez," Niall says, catching the attention of one of the nurses on the other side of the station from where he's standing. "Do me a favor and grab that form for me?"

"This one?" She holds up the one Niall was referring to and he nods.

"Hey, umm," he says, making her pause after she's given him the form. "You've been here a while, yeah? What's the story with…?" Niall jabs his thumb over his shoulder.

"Louis?" Perrie laughs a little. "Everyone knows Louis."

"That's what I've gathered," Niall replies, trying not to think about how it was the same back in university. Louis was one of those kids who just seemed to get along with everyone. "But why?"

"Oh, well." Perrie leans on the countertop and smiles at Niall. "He used to come in all the time to visit his mum. He'd hang around OB all day long, making faces at the babies."

"His mum?"

"Yeah, Jay." Perrie's smile softens a bit. "Lovely lady, Jay. She--"

Perrie's name gets called from somewhere down the hall and she leaves without finishing her sentence. Niall sighs a little before returning to his form, checking off boxes and scribbling down notes while wondering what else Perrie was going to tell him.

Even though Niall's trying not to think about university, it keeps popping up in his head. Seeing Louis here and knowing his diagnosis explains quite a few things, but not everything. If he's going to be Louis' doctor, he's going to have to push aside his curiosity about what happened.

*

By the time Niall's finally finished with all of his paperwork, his hand is cramping something awful. He checks his watch and tries to figure out which lab tech will be on duty by the time he gets to that department; if it's one he's on good terms with, then it shouldn't be too difficult to get Louis' labs back in a reasonable amount of time. But if it's Tara, the lab tech who Niall had accidentally spilled coffee on during his first week and who _still_ hasn't forgiven him for it, then he'd have to hope and pray that he'd get his results by the end of the day.

Before he can do anything else, Niall has to check Louis' vitals. He pauses outside of the room for a moment to take a deep breath, and is overwhelmingly relieved to see Louis' eyes are closed when he steps through the door. Niall's very careful not to make too much noise as he taps through the screens on the monitor next to the bed, repeating them softly to himself as he marks them down in Louis' chart.

"Hi," Louis says suddenly, his voice a bit gravelly. It's enough to make Niall jump so violently that he nearly drops the chart.

"Thought you were asleep," Niall says with a soft laugh as he tries to compose himself. "Scared me for a minute, there."

"Nah, not asleep, just resting." Louis sighs as he shifts around in the bed. "Don't sleep much in hospitals, really. Too afraid I won't wake up."

Niall swallows and looks back down at Louis' chart to avoid saying anything in response. It's been almost ten years since he last saw Louis and they never even spoke. He was a fool to think that Louis would remember him. Niall should just push all memories of university out of his head and concentrate on what's important: Louis' health.

"Can I ask you a question?" Louis says a few seconds later. Niall looks at him again to find Louis staring back at him with a crooked smile that makes his cheeks feel red hot.

"Is it a medical question?" Niall asks, doing his damnedest to stay professional.

"Not… exactly." Louis clicks his tongue. "Is that alright?"

"Umm…" Niall flips the cover shut on Louis' chart and scratches his head. "I guess?"

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

Niall freezes. His brain can't seem to find the connection to his mouth to come up with an answer, so he just stays silent and immobile.

"You look familiar," Louis goes on, "but I just can't place it. I've got such a shit memory, I thought maybe my brilliant doctor would remember."

Niall flushes. "I… um…" He'd been planning on never bringing this up around Louis in the hopes that his past crush would stay where it belonged: in the past. But now… "Yeah, we, umm… we went to uni together. For a bit."

Louis' eyes light up. "That's it! I knew it!" He snaps his fingers together. "I knew I knew you from somewhere."

Niall ducks his head, intending to go back to finishing his notes on Louis' chart. He wants to ask why Louis remembers him. They'd never even spoken, they only had one class together. Niall's positively mortified for remembering him as the guy he once had a ridiculously huge crush on, what did Niall do to make Louis remember him?

"So…" Louis says casually, "are you seeing anyone?"

Niall chokes on nothing at all, his eyes going wide and cheeks absolutely _burning_ with embarrassment, and Louis just smiles widely at him.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"I'm curious. Fit lad like you, I need to know what my chances are."

Niall closes his eyes for a moment, barely resisting covering his face entirely with Louis' chart.

"I'm your doctor," Niall starts.

"Yes," Louis says, tilting his head.

"And you're my patient."

"Correct."

Niall pauses for a moment. "Shouldn't that… answer your question?"

"It _could_ ," Louis says as he rests his head back against his pillow. "Or I could just keep asking."

"And I could sedate you for the entirety of your stay," Niall replies.

"Oh!" Louis chortles. "Fit _and_ cheeky, aren't you?"

"Doctor," Niall reminds him as he finishes his notes on Louis' chart and flips it closed.

"My feelings about hospitals aside," Louis says as Niall walks around his bed, "I do have a few fantasies about doctors, you know."

Niall swallows a hysterical laugh and tries to ignore the way his face feels like it's on fire. "Get some rest, Louis. I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting," Louis calls after him.

Niall manages to keep himself together until he's made it to the lift and is headed down towards the lab. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, mentally berating himself for _flirting back with his patient_. Niall hasn't nervous-flirted like that in forever, and doing it with Louis is an absolutely terrible idea.

"Keep it together," he whispers to himself, "it's going to be a long day."

*

A couple of hours later, Niall finds himself back on Louis' floor. He keeps reminding himself that this is how it's supposed to go, that he's supposed to check on Louis' vitals every few hours to make sure there aren't any worrisome changes.

He pauses for a moment outside of Louis' door, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. There's absolutely nothing to be nervous about, Louis is just a patient. He has to be, and Niall has to treat him as such, otherwise he might get taken off the case.

The moment Niall steps through the door, he can feel the anxiety coming off Louis in waves and everything he'd been worried about only moments ago disappears in an instant.

"Alright, Louis?"

"Yeah, yeah." Louis nods and gives him a smile, but it's half-hearted at best.

"You sure?" Niall asks as he glances at the monitors. Everything looks the same as it did the last time he checked, so he turns his attention back to Louis.

"Just… y'know. Jitters, or whatever." Louis twists his fingers together and taps his hands against his lap. "Been waiting ages for this, and now I'm bricking it."

"Do you have anything to distract you?" Niall asks as he glances around. "Like a book, or something?"

Louis chuckles softly. "Nah, didn't bring anything with me. When I was little, my mum would bring me coloring books and I'd just spend hours coloring every single page. Didn't matter where the lines were, I filled the whole fuckin' thing."

Niall files that information away, his mind already working to figure out where he could possibly get a coloring book for Louis. The Pediatric wing would probably have some, complete with crayons and all, that Niall could probably nick without anybody getting too upset. It's silly, and Louis might not use them at all, but it might make him feel better.

But something else Louis said clicks in Niall's mind, and he thinks that maybe it could offer a better solution than some dumb coloring book. Maybe it'll take Louis' mind off of his impending procedure long enough to bring him some comfort.

"I heard your mum works upstairs," he says as he pulls out Louis' chart and marks his vitals. "Surprised I haven't met her yet, if I'm honest. Has she come by?"

"She, umm, doesn't work here anymore."

"Oh? Retired, then? Lucky!"

Louis doesn't answer. A few seconds go by before Niall actually looks up and sees the look on Louis' face, and then he realizes that he's obviously said something wrong.

"She…" Niall clears his throat and speaks softly. "She's not retired, is she?"

"Not exactly," Louis replies, smiling wistfully. "I imagine she's still helping as best she can, y'know. A bit further up…" He points to the ceiling for a second or two, and then drops his hand.

Niall wishes he could melt into the fucking floor. Immediately. Or that he could rewind the last five minutes and just keep his damn mouth shut. Either one would be preferable to what just happened.

"Louis, I'm--"

"Louis!"

Niall whips around to see Dr. Rexha entering the room and he steps back from Louis' bed, immediately handing Louis' chart over to her as she comes closer.

"Bebe," Louis greets her with a smile, and if Niall didn't know better he'd think that Louis hadn't been reminded of his mum's passing only moments before. "My favorite heart surgeon."

"Aww," she says, putting her hand over her own heart. "I'm your only heart surgeon, but that's still sweet of you to say." She glances down at his chart for a moment and then looks back up at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'd much rather be home in my own bed than in hospital, but…" Louis looks at Niall and his smile brightens. "Can't complain."

"Well, if all goes well, you'll be back home with a brand new heart before you know it." Dr. Rexha snaps Louis' chart shut and clasps her hands together. "Dr. Breslin is en route to get your heart, and I'll be on the phone with him during the recovery to ensure everything goes smoothly. We'll prep you for surgery shortly, and if everything goes well, we'll begin with you so you will be ready the moment your heart gets here." She smiles warmly. "Sound good?"

"Sounds like a dream."

"Well, let's make it a reality." Dr. Rexha pats the corner of Louis' bed and nods at Niall before she leaves the room.

Niall's about to follow her, but stops when Louis says his name.

"Stay a minute, would you?"

He can hardly look Louis in the eye, still too embarrassed by what he'd said not ten minutes before. But he does as Louis asks.

"Hey, c'mon. Look at me."

"I shouldn't-- I'm so sorry, I--"

"Hey, it's alright." Louis reaches for Niall's arm, but he can't quite make it. "You didn't know."

"The nurses say she was a wonderful lady."

Louis smiles. "She was. She really, really was." He reaches for Niall again and this time, Niall steps a little closer.

He lets Louis hold onto his hand, telling himself that it's the least he can do.

"C'mon, let's see that smile of yours."

Niall's mouth twists, he's not sure he can manage it.

"Niall, please. I could die today, y'know. You wouldn't let me go into that OR without letting me see you smile again, would you?"

"Jesus," Niall mutters, cracking a smile at the sheer ridiculousness of Louis' statement. "You shouldn't blackmail your doctor, y'know."

"It worked, though." Louis beams. He squeezes Niall's hand and Niall looks down at them.

"You're not going to die today," he says quietly. He looks up and into Louis' eyes. "You're getting a new heart."

"I'm getting a new heart," Louis says. "It's a good thing, too. Y'know why?"

"Why's that?"

"You've stolen this one," Louis says as he taps his chest, "so now I really need that new one."

Niall rolls his eyes as Louis laughs, so very obviously pleased with himself. Niall's cheeks pink up all over again and he squeezes Louis' hand back, all the while one thought echoes in his mind.

He's so screwed.

*

Niall's in Louis' room again for another check of his vitals when Dr. Rexha comes in with a rather vague update on the donor heart. She's just spoken with Dr. Breslin but Niall suspects whatever she was told wasn't exactly good news, considering when Louis asks after it she just says there's no final word yet.

"This isn't one of those 'no news is good news' situations, is it?" Louis asks. Niall can hear the disappointment in his voice, but Dr. Rexha tuts at him.

"None of that, Louis. Remember? Positivity is key to these sorts of things."

"Positivity and a working heart," Louis replies dryly.

Dr. Rexha sighs, but she doesn't seem too upset by Louis' remarks. Niall keeps his mouth shut, remembering that she and Louis have been through this before and she's probably used to his behavior by now. He stares down at the chart in his hands and tries not to think about it.

Louis is just a patient. A patient who's dying, but _just_ a patient nevertheless.

"Dr. Horan," Louis says, snapping Niall out of his own thoughts, "you'll be in there with us, yeah?"

Niall looks at Dr. Rexha for a brief moment and she nods her head at him. He turns back to Louis and gives him the best reassuring smile he can manage.

"Yeah, I'll be in there with you."

"You'll be my good luck charm." Louis grins. "Could use some of that, I think."

Niall's smile turns more genuine at that, and he forgets that Dr. Rexha is still in the room. That is, of course, until she gently takes his elbow in her hand and clears her throat.

"Dr. Horan, may I see you outside for a moment?"

Louis lifts his hand in a small wave as Niall follows Dr. Rexha out into the hallway and over towards the nurses' station. He stands quietly by her side as she flips through some paperwork, wondering why she asked to see him if she's not going to _say_ anything.

"You two have bonded already, I see," she remarks after a few minutes of silence. It's nothing like what Niall was expecting her to say, nor was he expecting her tone to be so light and casual.

"Me and Louis?" Niall asks, just to make sure he's on the same page. He's trying his hardest to stay as casual as she is, even though his heart is racing. Dr. Rexha can't find out that he knows Louis from uni.

"Mhmm," she answers. "It's good. He needs to stay positive, as I'm sure you know."

"Y-Yeah," Niall says, clearing his throat. "I was thinking, umm, he told me that when he was little, his mum would give him c-coloring books." Niall stumbles over his words when Dr. Rexha turns to look at him. He swallows hard. "Just, y'know, thought he might like something to do."

Dr. Rexha gives Niall a considering look, and then a smile spreads across her face.

"I think that's an excellent idea." She turns back to her paperwork. "Peds probably has some spares you could take, if you're looking."

Niall nods, hovering awkwardly until Dr. Rexha looks at him out of the corner of her eye and he gets the message. They're done here. He doesn't need to keep standing around.

He runs into Zayn on his way back down from Peds with a stack of coloring books and a packet of markers under his arm. Niall gets talked into going to the cafeteria with Zayn instead of heading back to Louis' room like he was planning on, but with the way his stomach rumbles the moment they set foot in the cafeteria, he suddenly doesn't mind the detour.

"What's all that?" Zayn asks when they sit down at an empty table and Niall puts the coloring books down. Niall looks at them and then at Zayn, then quickly down at his tray full of food.

"Nothing. They're for a patient."

Zayn's face crumples in confusion. "Thought you were on Dr. Rexha's service today?"

"I am," Niall replies. Zayn raises his eyebrows as he starts to understand what Niall doesn't want to explain, and Niall stares down at his food instead. "It's… it's complicated."

"Alright." Zayn shrugs and starts in on his sandwich. "Speaking of complicated…" he starts, mouth half-full.

He tells Niall about the patient he's been with all morning, a teenager who only just found out that they're a hermaphrodite. Niall listens along with vague interest as he eats his lunch, but his mind is elsewhere.

Two floors up, to be specific.

"You should've seen the look on my face when Bex's mum came in," Zayn says with a laugh. "I froze with the scissors in my hand, I thought she was going to murder me then and there."

"Just for cutting her kid's hair?" Niall snorts. "It's just hair."

"Yeah, exactly." Zayn shrugs. "Lucky for me, she took over and didn't seem too cross. Good thing, too, I don't wanna get written up for that shit."

"Yeah, that'd be terrible," Niall replies distractedly. He checks his watch and glances at his tray and then Zayn's. When he looks up, Zayn's already looking at him.

"I heard something interesting earlier," Zayn says, pushing his tray out of the way and leaning his elbows on the table.

"Yeah? What?" Niall's starting to get a little annoyed now. He resists the urge to check his pager; he knows it won't say anything, it would've gone off if there had been an emergency or if the heart had come in for Louis.

Still. His hand twitches and he balls it into a fist to keep himself for reaching for his pager.

"You and your patient, Louis?" Zayn clicks his tongue. "You two were flirting a bit."

"I wasn't--"

"Niall," Zayn interrupts gently. Niall's eyes drop down to the table, avoiding Zayn's.

"It's nothing. He's just a patient. He's scared. He's--"

"The guy you had a massive crush on in uni," Zayn says.

"I don't--"

"You _paged_ me this morning about him," Zayn goes on, "but now--"

"He's just a patient," Niall repeats.

"He shouldn't be your patient at all, you've got history."

"It doesn't matter, I'm fine," Niall says sharply.

"Yeah, you look it."

When Niall looks up he sees that Zayn is looking at the coloring books and markers he'd gotten for Louis, and Niall's cheeks go red. He scoops them up and stands up, taking his empty tray in his other hand.

"Niall--" Zayn starts, but Niall doesn't stop or say another word. He drops his tray off near the bins and leaves the cafeteria without looking back.

He doesn't need Zayn's judgment, he's got enough going on inside his own head.

*

When Niall re-enters Louis' room he finds Louis asleep. He sets the coloring books and markers down on the bedside table and does his checks as quietly as possible so as to not wake him. He can't imagine how tired Louis must be, what with all the stress from awaiting a heart transplant on top of being in one of his least favorite places in the world.

Niall runs into Dr. Rexha in the hallway after he's finished his checks, and one look at her face tells him all he needs to know.

"The heart's no good, is it?" he asks quietly. She shakes her head.

"Dr. Breslin found extensive damage from coronary artery disease while he was examining it, and that makes it ineligible for transplant." Dr. Rexha sighs heavily.

"So back on the list he goes?"

"I'm afraid so." Niall nods, and Dr. Rexha gently touches his shoulder. "These things happen--"

"I know," Niall answers quickly. "I just… y'know. Was hoping for--" He pauses for a moment, amending what he was going to say before it slips out of his mouth. "A, uhh, surgery. Haven't assisted on a heart transplant yet."

Dr. Rexha smiles. "You will, someday."

Niall nods, returning her smile. He's relieved that he didn't accidentally say _hoping for good news_. Despite the casual response he'd received from Dr. Rexha earlier regarding his connection with Louis, he didn't want to push his luck.

"I know this is one of the worst parts of the job, but delivering bad news is part of all of our jobs," Dr. Rexha says.

"I'll do it," Niall replies. "It's alright."

"Alright." She nods and pats his shoulder. "I'll start on the discharge paperwork. His vitals have been stable, so he should be able to go back home soon."

Niall nods but doesn't say anything in return, choosing instead to go back into Louis' room. He's still asleep so Niall makes himself comfortable in one of the chairs near his bed.

He tries but he can't stop thinking about how unfair it is that Louis spent all day waiting and now he won't get a new heart. He's been waiting for ages as it is, but to get his hopes up like this just seems cruel. Niall knows it happens every day, he's not an idiot. He'd read through countless cases just like Louis' in medical school, and it's not even the worst thing that he's seen in his time as an intern.

It's just… not fair.

"Creeper," Louis says in a raspy voice. Niall looks up to see Louis is awake and smiling at him.

"Shut up," he replies with a laugh as he stands up and walks around Louis' bed.

"I knew you had a thing for me," Louis goes on, still grinning. "Why else would you be watching over me while I slept?"

"Because I'm your doctor," Niall replies, rolling his eyes.

Louis raises his eyebrows, not needing to say another word for Niall to know where his mind's gone. He covers his eyes with his hand and groans.

"Don't say it."

"I didn't say anything," Louis says smugly.

"Yeah, but you were thinking it loud enough." Niall shakes his head and diverts Louis' attention to the stack of coloring books on the bedside table. "Brought you something."

"Ooh, giving me gifts now? Getting serious on me."

"Shut up," Niall says, positive that he's blushing now. "Thought you might want something to keep you busy…" His voice drops and but he doesn't look away from Louis. He has to do this. "Next time."

"Next time?" Louis' grin fades and he sighs softly. "I didn't get the heart."

"You didn't get the heart." Niall shakes his head. "Sorry."

"Did you do something to the heart?"

"What? No, of course I--"

"Then what're you sorry for?" Louis interrupts, smiling again.

Niall stays quiet, smiling back at Louis. He tries in vain not to fidget, because now that Louis is being discharged there's no real reason for him to hang around anymore. Not to mention he's got a full roster of other patients he's meant to be minding, and standing around here isn't helping him by any means.

"Someone will be along in a bit to see you out," he says, trying his damnedest to stay professional.

Louis being discharged without getting the transplant brings a new side to Niall's predicament that he hadn't thought about. Technically, once Louis leaves the hospital he's not Niall's patient anymore. Suddenly the prospect of reuniting with his uni crush is even more terrifying than it was before.

"Am I not interesting enough for you anymore?" Louis teases. "Passing me off on someone else now that there's no surgery in my future?"

"No, that's not--" Niall clears his throat and wills his face to keep from turning red. "My shift's almost over, is all."

"And you're still here?" Louis waves his hand. "Get out while you can, mate. God knows I'm trying to."

Niall laughs and shakes his head. Louis grins at him, clearly very proud of his joke. He walks towards the door, pausing before he passes through.

"See you around," he says.

"Count on it," Louis replies.

Niall doesn't run through the halls of the cardiac wing, but it's a near miss. As soon as he's through the door of Louis' room, his pace picks up so much that even waiting for the elevator seems to be taking too long. He opts for the stairs instead, nearly colliding with a pair of nurses as he passes them heading down.

He gets to the door of the interns' locker room and comes to a stop, realizing he's out of breath and has no idea why. Something inside him just _needed_ to get away. He opens the door to the locker room and finds Zayn already waiting for him, but neither of them say a word.

Niall's feeling a bit embarrassed by the day's events, if he's truly honest with himself, but he's not about to admit anything to Zayn. It doesn't matter anyway; Louis is going home, and tomorrow will be another day at the hospital. Niall will forget all about him.

Zayn's the first to speak after they've left the hospital, but it's only to suggest they grab some pizzas before heading home. Niall agrees wordlessly, following Zayn's lead.

The house is quiet and empty when they come home, but both Niall and Zayn take careful steps as they head towards the kitchen, just in case the dog is anywhere near.

After it's made clear that the dog isn't in the house at all, thanks to a few text messages from Harry explaining he and Ferdinand will be out for a while, Niall and Zayn make themselves comfortable in the living room to have a few hours of mindless telly as they unwind.

"You alright?" Zayn asks when they've eaten their way through most of the first pizza and they're in-between episodes of The Office. Niall looks at him and shrugs.

"Tired. Long day."

"You know what I mean."

Niall sighs. "I told you, he was just--"

"Just a patient, yeah," Zayn sighs, "I know you said that. But he's obviously in your head, Ni."

"I spent most of the fucking day with him, of course he's in my head." Niall scoffs a little and reaches for another slice. "I'm not, like, obsessed with the guy."

Zayn stares at him for a moment and Niall sighs heavily.

"Not like I was," he amends, bringing his slice of pizza up to his mouth.

"Alright," Zayn says. "If you say so."

"I do say so," Niall replies, his mouth half full of pizza.

Zayn surprisingly lets the subject drop, but Niall's mind won't do the same. Memories of uni have been running through his mind all day and now he doesn't have work to distract him from them.

After his disasterous first glimpse of Louis in their shared lecture and the incident with the table, Niall made sure to keep his distance. He admired Louis from afar, and drove Zayn absolutely mental with his pining.

A full month went by with Niall never saying a single word to Louis despite Zayn telling him over and over that he should just go up and say hello. But Niall wouldn't, he was just too nervous.

It was only after Zayn threatened to move out of their shared flat and leave Niall to pay the rent all by himself that Niall finally agreed that he would introduce himself to Louis. But even that took longer than Zayn would've liked it to.

Every time Niall got up the courage, something would inevitably stop him. Half the time it wasn't even his fault, not that Zayn believed him, of course.

Until one day when Niall was absolutely determined to do it. Today was going to be the day, he told himself. He was going to march right up to Louis and say hello, awkwardness and embarrassment be damned.

Only Louis didn't show up to lecture that day. Or the next. He didn't show up all week, nor the week after that. At the end of the second week, Niall went up to the professor and asked about Louis.

Of course, the professor told him that it was none of his business and Niall went back home, absolutely crushed.

Niall didn't want that to happen again, not this time. If Louis was going to disappear from his life just as quickly as he'd come into it, Niall wasn't going to let himself be destroyed by it. Louis is just another patient.

*

The following morning Niall goes to the hospital alone; Zayn has the day off and Harry's shift starts after Niall's. Not thinking about Louis turns out to be easier than Niall thought it would be, despite having another shift under Dr. Rexha.

He lets his mind wander as he walks the halls of the hospital, riding in the lift up to the cardiac wing, wondering what sort of people he'll meet today.

When Niall gets to the nurses' station, Perrie hands him the sheet of patients for the day and there's one name that sticks out and makes Niall's own heart skip a beat. Thinking maybe he's just seeing things, Niall closes his eyes for a moment and then checks the list again. But Louis' name is still there.

"Hey, Pez?" he says, turning back around and handing her the list. "Think this might be from yesterday."

"No, that's today's," she answers after giving it a once-over and handing it back. "See? It's dated and everything."

"But…" Niall mumbles as he taps Louis' name, "he was discharged."

He goes through his stack of charts until he finds Louis' and pulls it out, flipping through the pages until he gets to the notes from the previous day. He finds his own notes, along with Dr. Rexha's signing off on his release, but that's not where they end.

In a flash, Niall takes off down the hallway towards Louis' room from the day before. It takes less than a minute, but Niall's mind is on a constant loop of _let it be a mistake, he won't be there, it's just a mistake_ the whole way there.

When Niall gets to the room he finds it empty. A wave of relief washes over him for a moment, but it's quickly replaced with confusion. Why is Louis' name on the patient roster if he's not in this room? Something doesn't make sense here.

Niall leaves the room without making another sound and sinks into a chair outside in the hallway. After a few minutes of complete silence, Niall opens Louis' chart again and reads over the notes more carefully than he had before. He wants to know exactly what happened, and where the hell Louis is right now.

_20:00 Patient's labs normal. Vitals stable. - NH_

_20:15 Patient set for release. Scheduled for follow-up in one week for full workup. - BR_

_21:48 Patient collapsed in hospital entry, approx 20:20, due to syncopal episode. Administered 40mg Furosemide, 6mg Adenosine, no change in rhythm. Admitted to CICU for observation. - HS_

_22:34 Administered 5mg Morphine to prepare for Synchronized Cardioversion due to Atrial Fibrillation, on orders from BR. Rhythm stable after two rounds. - HS_

Niall's hands shake as he closes Louis' chart. His vision goes blurry, forcing him to close his eyes as he takes in a labored breath.

When he'd said _see you around_ to Louis yesterday, he hadn't meant so soon. He thought for sure he'd have enough time to get over whatever infatuation he was infected with, and that he'd be able to treat Louis like any other patient he's ever had the next time he was admitted to the hospital.

But here he is, back in the hospital after a few hours, and Niall wasn't even around for it. While the rational part of his brain keeps telling him it's not his fault and he couldn't have stopped it even if he _had_ been here, there's an even louder part that won't shut up. He'd left Louis alone.

Niall keeps his eyes closed until his shaky breaths become normal again. He tries to remind himself that this sort of thing happens all the time when you work in a hospital: people get sick, they come to the hospital to get help, and sometimes they get worse before they get better. That's just how it goes.

 _Sometimes they don't get better_ , the voice in the back of Niall's mind says. Niall pushes the voice away, trying not to think about that possibility for Louis. He doesn't want to imagine that. He doesn't want to imagine a world where someone as kind as Louis doesn't get to live a full life. It's just not fair.

If he were in his right mind, Niall would probably think it ironic how his heart starts pounding harder the closer he gets to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. He hasn't spent a great deal of time there, but it's not that different from the regular ICU so it's fairly simple in terms of knowing his way around the place.

Louis is alone in his room when Niall gets there, and he's fast asleep. Given that it's hardly seven in the morning, Niall's relieved to see that Louis is getting rest. Still, he takes extra time in taking Louis' vitals and recording them on his chart, in the hopes that maybe Louis will wake up while he's in the room.

But he doesn't. Louis continues sleeping soundly and Niall tries not to feel disappointed when he leaves. He can't just dawdle in Louis' room all day, he's got a long list of patients to check in on and he's already wasted precious time with his minor breakdown.

He tries to put Louis out of his mind as he makes his rounds through the cardiac wing of the hospital. It really doesn't help that just _being_ in the cardiac wing is reminder enough that Louis is here, that he still has a heart that doesn't work properly, and there's a decent chance that it will give out completely before he gets a new one.

Niall's mind really isn't helping him today.

He's all but finished with his rounds a little over an hour after he'd last checked in on Louis. He's in the middle of adding a few more notes to his last patient's chart when Harry comes around the corner and nearly walks headfirst into him.

"Sorry!" he says, catching Niall's elbow and preventing him from tumbling to the floor.

"Christ, Hazza, watch yourself," Niall says as he rubs the spot on his back that had connected with the wall when Harry knocked into him.

"Sorry," Harry repeats sheepishly. "I didn't mean to--"

"I know," Niall interrupts, trying to prevent a lengthy explanation. Harry's walked into damn near everyone in the hospital, patients, nurses, and doctors alike. Niall thinks it's a wonder the administration hasn't added an addendum to the hospital's insurance policy releasing them from any liability if Doctor Harry Styles is involved in a pedestrian collision.

And that's when it hits Niall.

The HS on Louis' chart from last night _had_ to have been Harry.

Niall latches onto Harry's arm just before he's out of reach and his grip is definitely a little too hard, judging by the look on Harry's face when Niall's eyes meet his.

"Niall, you're--"

"Why didn't you page me?"

"Page you?" Harry repeats. "Page you for what? To say that I was coming to--"

"Last night," Niall clarifies, his voice going a little frantic. "Last night when Louis collapsed. Why didn't you page me?"

"Who?"

"Louis!" Niall says loudly. "Louis Tomlinson, he collapsed in the lobby last night, your name is on his bloody chart, Harry!"

"Niall, you need to calm down," Harry says carefully, glancing around at the stares they're starting to get thanks to Niall's outburst. "Just… c'mere."

Harry pulls Niall into a nearby supply closet and shuts the door behind them. Niall's practically fuming now, his anger taking over so quickly he hardly knows what to do with it. He's getting angrier by the second the longer it takes Harry to say something, to explain why he didn't think to tell Niall that Louis had been re-admitted to the hospital.

"Why are you so upset about a patient?" Harry asks, his voice far too calm for Niall's liking.

"He's my fucking patient, Harry!" Niall shouts. Now that they're not out in the hallway he doesn't care about how loud his voice is. "You should've paged me!"

"Your shift was already over, and you're not his attending anyway," Harry explains. If Niall weren't so incensed, he'd see Harry's side to this. There was no logical reason for Harry to page Niall, after all. Dr. Rexha was still on shift, she's the cardiac attending, so _technically_ Louis is her patient more than anyone else's.

"That's not the point!" Niall shouts. "I was with him all day, I was the one who discharged him! You should've paged me when you saw my name on his bloody chart!"

"You're being ridiculous, Niall!" Harry shouts back. "It's not my responsibility to page you about a patient! He was in good hands and, _again_ , you were off the clock!"

"That's not the fucking point!" Niall shouts again.

"What is the point?" Harry yells. "Because you're not making any fucking sense!"

Niall's about to counter with more shouting when the door to the supply closet suddenly whips open and there's Bressie in the doorway, looking absolutely furious.

"What's going on in here?" he hisses angrily.

Harry, who had whipped around when Bressie opened the door, looks back at Niall with an expectant look. Niall swallows hard, pushing down his anger as much as he can.

"Nothing," he spits out before pushing past both Harry and Bressie, storming off down the corridor before either of them can stop him.

Bressie catches up with him not a minute later, keeping a tight hold on Niall's scrubs so he can't get away easy. He pushes Niall down into a nearby chair and stands over him with his arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face.

"Do you want to tell me what all that was about?"

"No," Niall answers angrily.

"Alright, let me put this another way," Bressie sighs heavily. "Do you want to get written up or do you want to try and explain why you _shouldn't_ get written up?"

Niall sighs sharply. He really doesn't want to explain _anything_ to Bressie right now, least of all why he was shouting at Harry. His adrenaline is still going wild, pumping through his veins and keeping him mad as ever.

But the rational part of his brain (however small it may be at the moment) reminds him that Bressie is very much his superior and he definitely doesn't want to piss him off any more than he already has.

"It was nothing," Niall finally says after a long silence. He lets out a long breath and shakes his head, avoiding looking Bressie right in the eye as he adds, "I lost my temper and I shouldn't have."

He can feel Bressie's eyes on him, like he's trying to see right through the front Niall's putting up. Niall keeps staring at the floor because of all people, he's afraid Bressie might actually be able to figure it all out without any help from Niall.

"I should write you up," Bressie says. "Should probably take you off rotation and put you on scut for the rest of the week."

Niall looks up. "Brez--"

" _But_ ," Bressie says pointedly, effectively shutting Niall up before he can even make his argument. "If you can look me in the eye and tell me that this won't happen again, then I won't do that."

Niall steels his jaw as he takes a deep breath. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears as he stares Bressie down, waiting until he's absolutely positive he can keep his voice steady before he speaks.

"It won't happen again," he says.

It's only half a lie, at best. Niall's not looking to get into another shouting match with Harry any time soon. He doesn't even want to _see_ Harry right now, let alone actually speak to him. But the promise he's making isn't a guarantee, and he's pretty sure Bressie knows it.

Which is why it's a complete surprise to Niall when Bressie suddenly relaxes and nods his head.

"Alright. Get back to your rounds." Bressie waves him off. "Lots of patients to see."

Niall waits until Bressie's left before he takes even one step. The voice of his conscience tells him he should find Harry and apologize, but Niall simply doesn't want to. He's still angry at Harry, even if deep down he knows it's for a completely absurd reason.

So instead he makes the rounds through the cardiac wing again, checking on labs and updating charts. He leaves Louis' room for last, telling himself that he's letting Louis get rest when in reality he's secretly hoping Louis will be awake this time around.

Louis is awake when Niall goes into his room, but his smile is far less bright than it was the day before. He looks absolutely exhausted; Niall can't seem to stop staring at the dark circles under Louis' eyes no matter how hard he tries.

"Bet you thought you were rid of me, eh?" Louis jokes, his voice a bit rough from lack of use.

"Could say the same to you," Niall replies. He tries to keep a smile on his face, a light tilt to his voice, but it's getting hard.

His least favorite part of his job is seeing his patients in pain, and seeing Louis like this is a hundred times worse than it's ever been with anyone else.

"Decided I didn't want to leave my favorite doctor," Louis says, smiling wryly as he tries to sit up a bit more in his bed. Niall goes over to help him re-adjust his pillows, trying not to make eye contact and blushing madly when he does.

"Can I ask you something?"

Niall can feel Louis studying his face and it's even harder than before to keep himself from looking back at him, but Niall forces himself to stare at the monitor next to Louis' bed as he waits for an answer.

"It's only fair," Louis answers. "What's on your mind?"

"When we were in uni…" Niall starts, but his voice falls away. He isn't sure how to phrase his question. Is it too invasive? It's absolutely none of his business why Louis just suddenly disappeared one day, but there's a part of Niall that's just aching to know why.

Niall makes the mistake of catching Louis' eye for a moment and then it's even harder for him to get any words out at all.

"I was just-- I wondered, like… you just… I thought--" Niall clears his throat and laughs awkwardly. "Sorry, I'm just--"

"I bet I can guess," Louis says in a quiet, gentle tone. "You want to know what happened, don't you?"

Niall swallows. "Yeah," he says in an equally soft tone.

The corners of Louis' mouth quirk upwards in a smile as he chuckles softly. "Think you might already know," he says as he gently taps two fingers against his chest.

"I'm sorry," Niall says at once, becoming flustered. "Of course, I shouldn't-- It's none of my--"

"It's alright," Louis replies, reaching out for Niall's arm. He curls his fingers around Niall's wrist and holds it, firm but gentle. It acts as an anchor and Niall relaxes, stepping closer to Louis' bed and keeping quiet.

Louis stays silent for a while, smiling and looking down at his hand touching Niall's wrist. A thought floats through Niall's mind, fleeting and heartbreaking: is this the first time in a long time that Louis has been able to reach out to someone for comfort?

"It was my mum's idea," Louis starts slowly. "She'd never really liked the idea of my going to uni, anyway. She was a mess with worry, thinking I'd go into arrest during class or something. Y'know," he smiles ruefully, "that my heart would just up and give out while listening to a lecture about war, or something."

Niall nods, but doesn't comment. He's met a fair number of overprotective parents in the last few years, and while it's not always best for the patient sometimes it's best to just give in to them to save further headaches.

"I'm very much a mama's boy," Louis goes on, "so I think I was a bit relieved to have an excuse. I didn't like uni very much, anyway."

Louis shifts his hand, letting go of Niall's wrist. For a moment, Niall thinks Louis is going to retract his hand completely, but instead he tucks it around Niall's, carefully lacing their fingers together. When Niall looks at Louis, he gives him a nervous smile.

"Only found myself missing the one thing I left behind," Louis whispers.

Color burns Niall's cheeks in an instant and he ducks his head to try and hide it. Niall doesn't even have to look at Louis to see the grin on his face, he can hear it in his laughter.

"Shouldn't be taking the piss," Niall mumbles as he tries to stop smiling.

"Couldn't help myself," Louis replies. "You look so good with a bit of pink in your cheeks."

"Stop it," Niall groans, his smile growing even bigger. "Enough, now, I mean it."

Louis squeezes his hand and laughs again. He tugs a little, getting Niall's attention back on his face. "I do wish I'd at least said hello to you, y'know. Back in the day."

Niall takes a deep breath before he squeezes Louis' hand. "Me too."

*

A week passes by in a blur. Niall's rather used to his days blending together, what with his shifts at the hospital lasting for eighteen hours more often than not, but whereas normally he'd be eager to leave the hospital after his shift is over, now he finds himself spending time there in his off-duty hours as well. He finds many an excuse to stay in Louis' room for longer than necessary while he's doing his rounds in the cardiac wing, as well as spending any spare moment he has during his shift with Louis.

They spend ages just talking about anything and everything, laughing and flirting to their hearts' content. The only problem comes when Niall has to leave. He goes back into the halls of the hospital where he's met with judgmental eyes, with scrutiny over his every move.

Perrie smiles at him but there's a sadness in her eyes that Niall can't shake off. Dr. Breslin doesn't seem to care or he doesn't notice how much time Niall's been spending in Louis' room. As long as Niall's still keeping on top of his other patients, Bressie has nothing to reprimand him about.

Zayn, on the other hand, doesn't hesitate. He's always checking in on Niall, asking him about his day and pressing for information about his patients _apart_ from Louis. He wasn't worried when Louis first appeared in the hospital, but after Niall's extremely public argument with Harry, Zayn's decided maybe the situation is worse than he thought.

"You and Harry haven't said a word to each other in days," he says.

"That's not true," Niall replies. "I asked him to pass the milk, just yesterday."

"You know what I mean," Zayn says flatly. "D'you know what he told Liam? He said--"

"I don't care," Niall interrupts. "The way this hospital gossips, you shouldn't believe anything."

"Is that right?" Zayn says as Niall turns away from him and starts to walk in the opposite direction. "Maybe so, but you should hear what they're saying about you!" he calls after Niall's back, but Niall doesn't acknowledge it.

He doesn't care what the rest of the staff is saying about him. What he cares about is Louis' slow decline. Even though Louis is very obviously putting on a brave face, Niall can see that his health isn't getting any better. It's getting harder for him to breathe, and no matter how much he sleeps he's still always tired.

If another heart doesn't become available soon, Niall's afraid that it'll be too late, and that's something he's desperately trying not to think about.

It certainly doesn't help that a rare day off is coming up, and Niall honestly doesn't know what he's going to do. He needs the break from the hospital, that much is true, but he doesn't want to leave Louis alone.

He doesn't mention it to Louis. He doesn't want to give him any unnecessary stress, although he can't help going back and forth on the subject in his own head. On the one hand, he thinks it shouldn't matter to Louis whether or not Niall has a day off. He's just one doctor, and it's not like there aren't a hundred other people in this hospital just as or even better equipped to handle something if the situation arises. But on the other… simply put, Niall just doesn't want to leave Louis' side.

Niall knows he's gotten too close to Louis. He knows that a doctor shouldn't fall for their patient, that it only leads to trouble. But his romantic side just can't let it go.

Harry corners Niall towards the end of his last shift before his day off. Niall doesn't even see him coming, or else he would've tried to give Harry the slip. They've done a good enough job of avoiding each other over the last couple weeks but judging by the look on Harry's face, enough is enough.

"We need to talk," Harry says plainly.

"What about?" Niall says with a sigh, turning his attention back down to the chart in front of him.

"You know what about," Harry says as he takes the chart out of Niall's hands.

"Harry--" Niall sighs again as he reaches for the chart, but Harry holds it out of his reach. "I don't have anything to say to you, alright? Now, give that back."

"Well, I've got something to say to you," Harry says, still holding the chart hostage. "I know you don't think you're doing anything wrong, but--

"You've got to be joking," Niall grumbles, "Harry, you don't--"

"I don't what? I don't understand? Look me in the eye right now and tell me that you've got this under control."

"I--" Niall takes a deep breath. "I have this--"

"No, you don't!" Harry interrupts.

"You didn't even give me a chance!"

"You shouldn't need it! I shouldn't have to even ask this!"

"Then why are you?" Niall shouts. "Why do you even care, Harry? This has nothing to do with you!"

"Someone has to care because you obviously don't!" Harry shouts back. "The whole bloody hospital can see what's going on with you two, and you seem to be the only one who doesn't think it's a problem!"

"Tell me something, have I lost any patients this week?" Niall asks, trying to keep his voice calm even though he's fuming. "Has Brez written me up for not charting, or for missing rounds?"

"No, but--"

"No! He hasn't! Because I'm still doing my fucking job, Harry!" Niall snatches the chart back while Harry's distracted, and he slams it down on the counter. "You and Zayn and whoever else need to stop watching my every move and concentrate on your own fucking jobs, alright?! I'm doing fine, so piss off!"

"Niall--" Harry starts, but Niall is so angry that he can't stand to hear another word out of Harry's mouth. He spins around and starts off down the hall, not bothering to look back when Harry shouts again, "Niall!"

The problem is that Niall doesn't know where to go at first. He can't go to Louis' room because that'll be the first place Harry will look. If he goes to any of the on-call rooms or the lounges, Harry will find him there. He needs a place where nobody will even _think_ to look for him.

Which is how he ends up just outside the morgue. It's depressing, but at least he can have a bit of quiet time to himself. He's able to finish up his charting in a matter of minutes, and then he thinks he might as well just stay here for a while longer.

His shift officially ends while he's still sitting outside the morgue. If he goes home, he'll undoubtedly have to endure a lecture from not just Harry but Zayn as well.

"It's not fair," he mumbles to himself. "Zayn's shagging Perrie, Harry's messing about with an attending, why am I the only one getting shouted at?"

Niall sighs heavily and rubs his face with his hands, letting himself mope about for another few minutes before he decides to pick himself up off the floor and head back upstairs. It's been long enough now that he hopes Harry's stopped looking for him.

He drops off his charts, thankful that nobody's at the nurse's station so he doesn't have to answer any prodding questions about his most recent row with Harry. Given that it's the middle of the night, the news won't be widespread til tomorrow morning at the earliest and hopefully everyone will be all talked out by the time Niall comes back to the hospital the following day.

Niall drops by Louis' room, expecting (or rather, hoping) that he'll be asleep, but when it's obvious that he's not, Niall steps inside. Louis smiles when he sees him, but when he goes to say something all that comes out is a terrible cough.

"Sorry," he chokes out as Niall helps him sit up to help stop the coughing. "Couldn't help it. You just take my breath away."

"Shut it," Niall says, blushing as he helps arrange Louis' pillows beside him. "You should be asleep."

"Shouldn't you be at home?" Louis replies. "Thought your shift ended at 11."

"It did," Niall says, glancing at the clock behind him. It's well past midnight now. "Had a few things to do before I left."

"See?" Louis says, smiling as he tucks his face half against his pillow. "Couldn't go to sleep til you came and said good night."

Niall rolls his eyes. "You need your rest, you shouldn't be staying up for me."

"I'm in this bed all bloody day, the last thing I need is more rest." Louis sighs heavily. "Besides, you know I don't sleep well in hospitals."

"I remember," Niall says softly.

Louis reaches for his hand and squeezes it gently, almost like he can't manage a tighter grip. Niall tries not to let that sink in too much as he squeezes back.

"Well, alright, off with you." Louis chuckles softly, trying to cover a wheeze. "Won't get much sleep at this rate before you're back here."

"I, umm, I've got tomorrow off," Niall murmurs. "So I could… y'know, stay a bit longer."

"Yeah?" Louis smiles. "You're not sick of me yet?"

"Nah," Niall laughs, "never."

Louis shifts in his bed, moving over enough so that there's an obvious space next to him. Niall looks down at the bed and then up at Louis and his mouth twists nervously.

"Louis, I--"

"C'mon, just for a bit." Louis pats the sheets. "You look dead on your feet."

"Cheers," Niall says, laughing. "Such a charmer, you are."

"It worked, didn't it?" Louis replies as Niall climbs into the bed next to him. Louis laces their fingers together again and hums in contentment as he rests his head on Niall's shoulder. "Finally got you into my bed," he murmurs.

"That you did," Niall whispers. "What're you going to do next?"

"Dunno," Louis whispers back. "Might try something, while I'm still here."

"Hey," Niall says, "none of that talk."

"I meant while I'm still _awake_ ," Louis corrects, yawning widely to further prove his point. "You doctors, always so literal."

"I just… y'know," Niall shrugs, "wanna keep you around."

Louis tilts his head back and brushes his mouth against the side of Niall's cheek in a gentle kiss. "Sounds good to me," he whispers against Niall's skin.

Niall slowly turns his head, his heart pounding as he meets Louis' mouth with his own. He keeps a tight grip on Louis' hand, and groans softly when Louis' other hand comes up between them and rests against his jaw.

"Stay a bit longer," Louis whispers after they've pulled away. He keeps his hand pressed to Niall's face, and Niall slowly turns to press a kiss against the palm of Louis' hand.

"As long as you like," he whispers back.

*

Niall feels like he's only just fallen asleep when he's being rudely shaken awake. He slaps at the hands on his shoulder to try and make them go away but they come right back with renewed vigor and he hears his name hissed by a voice that's familiar but he can't place it immediately.

Of all the people he expected to see upon opening his eyes, Liam Payne was not one of them. And certainly not while wearing an expression that could only be described as horror mixed with disbelief.

"Get up!" Liam hisses again, this time pulling on Niall's arm. "What are you even doing in here??"

"What?" Niall groans as he swings his legs over the side of the bed and warily stands on his own two feet. "I was sleeping, what are you--"

"Sleeping? _Sleeping_?? You're in a patient's bed!!"

"I'm--" Niall pauses for a moment as he looks around the room and suddenly remembers exactly where he is.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep in Louis' bed. He just wanted to wait until Louis fell asleep and then he was going to leave.

"I know how this looks," he starts, avoiding eye contact with Liam.

"Oh, do you?"

"Nothing happened."

"Nothing-- You got into bed with a patient!" Liam groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That is the opposite of nothing happened!"

"Liam, you… you don't understand."

"You're right, I don't. I absolutely do not understand what would possess you to jeopardize your career like this!"

"It's not-- I didn't--"

"And now you've put me in the middle of it!" Liam huffs loudly. "You know I have to report this."

"Liam, no. Liam!"

Niall follows Liam out of Louis' room, begging and pleading with him not to report it. He could get suspended from the program, or even worse, let go entirely.

"Liam, you can't!" Niall cries out, and Liam comes to a full stop in the hallway.

"I have to!" Liam yells as he spins around to face Niall. He immediately goes quiet, glancing around before he speaks again in a softer voice. "It's not just yourself you've put at risk, Niall. You have to think of the patients."

"I'm looking after him, he's--"

"It's not just Louis," Liam says with a heavy sigh. "You're giving him special treatment, y'know. And you're distracted. What if something had happened to another patient because you were too busy worrying over him?"

"But I didn't-- I haven't!"

"That's not the point, Niall. Can't you see that?" Liam shakes his head. "I have to report it, I have to."

"Liam, please," Niall begs. "You can't."

Liam shakes his head again as he turns away, ignoring Niall's last pleas as he continues down the hallway until he's out of sight. Defeated, Niall trudges back to Louis' room with the intent to wait for Dr. Breslin to come and find him.

He doesn't expect to see Louis sitting up in bed the moment he enters the room.

"Louis, what're you doing?" he asks as he gently closes the door behind him.

"I was just…" Louis laughs a little and rubs his eyes. "Thought maybe it was too much, y'know?"

"What?" Niall asks as he comes over to Louis' bed, pulling a chair close and sitting down in it to be as close as he can without getting back into the bed.

"This, all of this." Louis shrugs. "Thought maybe you'd just gone."

"I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye." Niall grabs Louis' hand and holds it tightly in both of his. "You know that, right?"

"Now I do," Louis replies, laughing a bit as he sniffles. "Just, y'know. Waking up in a hospital's bad enough. Thought at least you'd be here when I did."

"I'm here now," Niall says, squeezing Louis' hand. "Dunno for how long, but I'm here."

"What d'you…" Louis cocks his head to one side. "Niall, what's happened?"

"It's nothing," Niall says, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it, alright?"

"Don't tell me not to worry about it, I'll worry about whatever I damn well please, thank you very much. Now what's going on?"

"It's nothing, it's just--" Niall sighs heavily. "I might be getting sacked, I dunno."

"What-- because of me?"

"No, it's--" Niall sighs again. "It's not your fault, alright?"

"Christ," Louis says, laughing. "You're a terrible liar, d'you know that? I don't believe you for a second."

"Louis--"

"What're you even still doing here? Won't they sack you for sure if they find you in here with me?"

"I haven't done anything wrong!" Niall insists. "It's just, like, I dunno, bureaucratic nonsense!"

Louis snorts and wiggles his eyebrows. "Is that what we're calling it?"

"Shut up." Niall lays his head down on his arms and groans into Louis' hospital bed. "It shouldn't matter, is what I'm saying. I haven't screwed up any dosages or lost any patients, I'm just--"

"Sleeping with a patient," Louis finishes.

"Sleeping _next to_ a patient," Niall corrects and Louis waggles his free hand.

"Semantics."

"Shut _up_ ," Niall says as he tries not to start laughing, "or I'll smother you with your own bloody pillow."

"Then you really would get sacked, wouldn't you?"

"Might be worth it."

Louis pulls his hand away and crosses his arms, pouting for a few seconds before he lets Niall have his hand back. They stare at each other with soft smiles for a moment, and then Louis nods his head towards Niall.

"C'mere a sec."

"What for?"

"Just do it."

Niall stands up and leans in towards Louis, leaving just enough space between them that Louis has to be the one to close the gap between them for a kiss.

"Wanted to make sure I got at least one more," Louis explains in a whisper, "just in case you do get sacked and I don't see you again."

Niall kisses him again. "I won't let ‘em keep me away from you."

"Is that right?" Louis asks, smiling widely. Niall answers by kissing him again.

He's sat back down in the chair by the time the door opens several minutes later, and in steps Dr. Breslin. Niall only needs one look at his face to know that his entire medical career could go up in smoke in the next few minutes.

"Dr. Horan, can I see you in the hall?"

"Yeah," Niall says as he gets up from the chair, grateful for one last squeeze from Louis before he follows Bressie into the hallway.

"I thought we talked about this," Bressie starts as soon as the door to Louis' room has closed behind the both of them. "Didn't you promise that you wouldn't have any more incidents?"

"Yes, but--"

"Not only," Bressie continues in a louder tone, "did you once again have a very public argument with Dr. Styles, but now I've gotten a report that you've stayed in the hospital past your scheduled hours to be _with a patient_?"

"Brez, I--"

"Dr. Breslin," he corrects sharply.

"Dr. Breslin, I can explain, it's all a misunderstanding."

"Is that it? A misunderstanding? Dr. Payne _didn't_ find you asleep in Louis Tomlinson's bed?"

"N-No, he did, but it's--"

"So how is it a misunderstanding? Did Mr. Tomlinson threaten you?"

"What? No!"

"Then what possible explanation could you have for not only sleeping in his bed, but for whatever display I just walked in on in there?!" Bressie asks, his tone just barely below a shout. "Do you know the risk you've put not only yourself in but the hospital as well?"

"I do, I do know, it's just--"

"What, do you think you're above the rules? That just because you haven't made a mistake _yet_ you can do whatever you damn well please? You're an _intern_ , Dr. Horan, under _my_ supervision. Every single thing you do is a reflection of me and my teaching, and do you really think this is something I'd want my students to think is okay?!"

Niall stays silent.

"I didn't think so." Bressie sighs heavily. "You're off the case."

"Brez--"

"You're off cardio, effective immediately. I don't want to see you anywhere near this wing, do you hear me?"

"You can't do that, you--"

"I can and I just did. And if I catch you hanging around this room, you can bet your arse I'll fire you on the spot."

"But--"

"Go home. Now."

"But--"

"I said: Go. Home."

Niall swallows hard. He knows he shouldn't argue, he shouldn't try to explain any further. Anything he says is just going to make the situation worse. He should be thanking his lucky stars he wasn't sacked or suspended.

He keeps still for another minute, but when it's clear that Bressie isn't going to leave first, Niall relents. All he can do is go home and hope that Louis will still be there when he comes back.

*

_I won't let ‘em keep me away from you._

That sentence keeps running through Niall's head. He hasn't seen Louis in four days, and not for lack of trying. He's found plenty of excuses to pass through the cardiac wing, each one plausible enough to ward off suspicion, but there hasn't been a single moment where Louis' room has been empty.

Honestly, Niall wouldn't have been surprised if Bressie stationed a security guard outside of Louis' room just to make sure he couldn't go in.

The only person who seems to be on his side of this whole mess is Perrie. Harry's not speaking to him and Zayn refuses to do anything for Niall that involves Louis' chart, and there's absolutely no way Niall is going to ask _Liam_ for help after what he did. (Deep down Niall knows Liam was just doing his job, but the less rational part of him is perfectly content to stay angry.)

But Perrie is more than willing to keep Niall apprised of Louis' condition. She even goes so far as to pass notes between the two, telling Niall that she thinks it's sweet that they found each other again after so many years.

And when he starts to ask how she knows about their time together at university, she smiles.

"He needs someone else to talk to now, doesn't he?"

Her smile turns slightly sad when Niall's face falls, but he tries to brighten up. At least he knows Niall hasn't completely abandoned him. Louis has to know that if he could, Niall would be by his side all day every day.

The most he can do is keep doing his job and hope that nothing else terrible happens.

It should be simple enough, going about his days at the hospital as normal. He's been doing it long before Louis came around and he's sure he'll be doing it long after Louis has checked out. But every time Niall has a spare moment his mind drifts to Louis in the cardiac wing. There's only so many times he can go to Perrie for updates during the day without it being overly suspicious (or without pissing her off).

He certainly doesn't expect for her to find him one morning, a little over a week since he last saw Louis face to face, with an enormous smile and positively bursting with excited energy.

"Niall! I've been looking all over for you!"

"I'm here!" Niall replies, trying not to be put off by the mildly crazed look in her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Louis!" Niall's breath catches. "He's getting a heart!"

"H-he--" Niall's eyes immediately well up with tears and he finds it hard to get any words out at all. "What?"

"Dr. Rexha got the call an hour ago," Perrie goes on as she grasps Niall's hands, "he's getting a new heart, Niall. He's going to be okay."

There's a tiny, annoying voice in the back of Niall's mind that says _that's what everyone thought last time_ , but he smothers it as quickly as it pops up and he breaks into relieved laughter.

"I can't-- Jesus, he's--" Niall runs his hands through his hair and tries to collect his thoughts. "I've got to see him."

Perrie gives him a sympathetic smile. "Let's see what we can do about that."

It's not easy, getting into Louis' room without anyone noticing. Perrie has to play interference for a good long while before she's managed to clear everyone out, giving Niall the opportunity to slip through the door.

There's a moment of relief when he sees Louis, though it's gone in about half a second when he sees how much worse for wear Louis looks after only a week. His skin is far paler than it was before, and even though he lights up at the sight of Niall it's not enough to soothe Niall's worries.

"Hey, stranger," Louis teases as Niall sits down in the chair next to his bed.

"Hey," Niall replies. He swallows hard, trying to make his voice come out even when he asks "how are you feeling?"

"Brilliant," Louis lies, giving Niall a weak smile. "Haven't felt this good in ages."

"Liar," Niall says as he shakes his head.

"It's all an act," Louis whispers conspiratorially. "Had to get you to come see me, didn't I?"

Niall's face falls into a frown. "Louis, I--"

"It's alright," Louis says immediately. "I'm only joking."

"No, I just--" Niall pauses as the heart monitor starts to beep a little faster, picking up the increase in Louis' rhythm. "Lou, you alright?"

"Can't help myself," Louis says, smiling even as his voice comes out slightly strained. "You make my heart race."

"Louis," Niall chastises as he reaches for Louis' wrist to take his pulse, and all the laughter in his voice disappears in a second.

Louis' heart rate continues to climb and Louis winces, clutching at his chest until suddenly all Niall can hear is the sound of Louis flatlining and all he sees is Louis going limp.

"Code blue!" Niall shouts as loud as he can, springing into action.

The room fills within seconds; nurses scatter about as Niall yells instructions, not caring even for a second that he's not supposed to be in Louis' room. Dr. Breslin appears at his side and orders him to get out of the room, but he doesn't leave Louis' side until he's physically pulled away.

He doesn't realize until he's out of the room entirely that it's Liam who had pulled him out, and that Zayn and Harry are waiting for him. The moment Liam lets go, he makes a move to try and go back inside.

"No, Niall, you can't--"

"He needs me!" Niall shouts, pushing against Zayn to try and get him away.

"Bressie's got him," Harry says, copying Zayn by wedging himself between Niall and the door to Louis' room.

"No, no, I have to get in there, I have to--"

"You shouldn't even be here, Niall, what were you doing?" Zayn says gently.

"I just…" Niall takes a deep breath and deflates, his eyes welling up with tears. "I had to see him. I had to make sure he was alright, and now--"

"I'll go," Liam says, not waiting for an answer before he slips past Harry and Zayn.

"He can't--" Niall chokes out. "I can't lose him, he can't--"

"Jesus," Zayn mutters under his breath as he pulls Niall into a crushing hug.

The two of them manage to get Niall away from the door and onto a bench across the hall while they wait for an update. They get one not two minutes later, when the door bursts open and the frenzy pours out into the hallway with Louis' bed in the middle of it.

With only seconds to react, Niall takes off down the hall after them with Harry and Zayn at his heels. Dr. Breslin barks orders as the group travels towards the lifts, but when he sees Niall, something in his face changes. After seeing Louis safely onto the lift, he tells Liam to start the prep and that he'll be along in a minute.

Niall tries his best to get onto the lift with Louis, but Dr. Breslin won't let him.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," he says in a livid tone, "but didn't I take you off this case?"

"I was just--"

"And didn't I also tell you to stay the hell away from the patient?"

"Yes, but you don't understand--"

"I understand just fine," Bressie says, his voice growing louder. "It's you who doesn't seem to understand. I don't want you anywhere near this. I don't want you on this floor, I don't want you in the OR, I don't want you in this bloody hospital, do you understand?"

"I--"

"Do you understand?!" Bressie shouts.

"He understands," Zayn cuts in. He takes hold of one of Niall's arms and Harry does the same with the other, and together they start pulling him backwards.

"Get him out of here!" Bressie shouts after them.

Niall fights every step of the way, but they finally manage to get him downstairs to the locker room.

"You've got to go home, Niall," Harry says as he yanks Niall's locker open and starts gathering his stuff. "Brez will fire you if you don't."

"I don't care," Niall mutters as he collapses onto the bench between lockers. Zayn sits down beside him, half out of comfort and half to ensure he doesn't make a break for it.

"Yeah, you do," Zayn says. "Look, I know you care about Louis, but is this really worth losing your job over?"

"I was just trying to do my job!" Niall shouts. "I shouldn't be being punished for that!"

"That's not what this is about and you know it," Zayn replies. "C'mon, Niall. You've got to see that."

Niall puts his head in his hands, twisting his fingers in his hair and tugging at the roots. All he can think about is Louis is somewhere in this hospital and he could be _dying_ and he's here, unable to do a fucking thing about it.

"I can't go home," he says, his voice thick with tears. "I can't."

"You have to," Harry says, holding out Niall's jacket. When Niall doesn't reach for it, Harry sits down on the bench on his other side. "I know this is hard, but he's in good hands," he whispers.

"You're no good to him in this state," Zayn adds. "Go home, get some rest."

"I can't," Niall says, shaking his head as he covers his face with his hands. "I can't, I can't--"

"I'll keep you updated," Zayn promises. "I'll be a fly on the fucking wall if you promise you'll just go home."

"C'mon, Niall." Harry nudges him. "He wouldn't want you to lose your job over this."

Niall stays silent for a few long minutes. He waits until his breathing's mostly returned to normal and he's sure he can get some words out without worrying about bursting into tears all over again.

"Alright," he says gruffly. "Alright, I'll go."

Zayn and Harry walk him to the exit, but neither can follow much past that as they're both still in the middle of their shifts. The most they can do is watch him walk through the doors and make him promise that he'll text when he gets to the house.

He promises, mostly intending to keep it.

And he might've, had a large group of people not passed him by on his way out. He glances at them briefly as they rush by, but he catches a glimpse of a girl who looks so familiar it piques his curiosity.

He stands still for a moment just outside the hospital doors, racking his brain to try and figure out where he knows her from. And when it clicks, Niall makes a split second decision: he's not going anywhere.

*

Niall follows the group to the family waiting area, slipping in behind them and taking a seat in an empty row. Apart from the group and himself the waiting area is practically empty. He tugs his jacket around him a little tighter, hiding his scrubs underneath it before he picks up a magazine to hide behind in case anyone who works at the hospital recognizes him.

Because the waiting area is mostly deserted, he's able to overhear the conversation the nurse is having with the group. She's mostly trying to keep them all calm and collected, despite having no real updates to give them. As she repeats herself over and over, Niall looks over the group one by one.

And one by one, he recognizes them all. It's Louis' family. He'd been shown dozens of pictures during the time he spent with Louis, and they're all here. His grandparents, his stepfather, all of his siblings, even including the littlest twins.

Niall recognized Louis' eldest sister, Lottie, first. Out of all of the worried looks on their faces, he'd be willing to wager that hers is the worst.

"All I can tell you," the nurse says, sighing a bit but trying to remain upbeat, "is that he's just gone into surgery. I don't have any other information for you, I'm sorry."

"Alright," Louis' stepfather says, "we'll wait. And you'll come tell us when there's an update, won't you?"

"I'll try," the nurse replies, forcing a smile.

Seemingly satisfied for the time being, Louis' family shuffles over to the waiting area and Niall tries to act nonchalant. Most of them congregate together, but Niall happened to pick the seat closest to the bin of toys which means within a few minutes the youngest set of twins have made their way over.

Niall focuses his attention solely on the magazine in front of his face, his grip tightening when Lottie comes and takes a seat two chairs over. She sighs heavily and sniffs into the sleeve of her jacket, putting on a brave face when her little brother brings over a toy to show her.

"Yeah," she whispers, gently ruffling his hair. "Go on, have fun with Dorie."

Niall lets his eyes wander as the little boy goes back over to his twin sister and the two of them start playing with the truck he'd found. Niall doesn't even realize his hands have lowered the magazine until Lottie clears her throat and speaks to him.

"Hope they're not bothering you," she says with a polite smile.

"Nah," Niall says, the magazine rustling in his hands as he tries not to drop it entirely. "Not at all."

"You been waiting long?" she asks casually.

"Umm, no. Not too long." Niall swallows and tries to smile at her. There's a desperate look in her eyes that tells him she's aching to talk about something, _anything_ , to keep her mind off of what's going on.

He can hear her stepfather and grandparents discussing Louis, each of them saying how they didn't know he was hospitalized again and how they wish they'd known sooner. Realizing she can surely hear them as well and that she's probably wishing the same thing, Niall plucks up the courage to continue their conversation.

"H-How old are they?" he asks, gesturing to the twins.

"They'll be three soon," she replies, smiling a little easier as she looks at them. "It's hard to believe, really."

"They grow up fast," Niall says, only wincing a little at the tired phrase. "I've got a nephew, he's six. I swear he was a tiny thing just last week."

"My brother says that about all of our siblings," Lottie says, her smile faltering at the mention of Louis. Her bottom lip starts to wobble and she sniffs loudly. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Niall says. He gives her a moment to collect herself as he tries to think of another topic. "Have they, uhh, discovered Spongebob yet? My nephew, Theo, he's just mad about it."

Lottie laughs, and their conversation continues a little easier after that. An hour or so goes by before Lottie mentions Louis again. Niall isn't sure how to react at first, given that he probably knows far more about Louis' condition than she or any of her family does, but he can't possibly let her know that.

She tells him about the call they got from his doctor when he went into cardiac arrest, and it's only a matter of time before Niall's extensive medical knowledge comes pouring out of his mouth without him even meaning to say anything.

"A-Are you a doctor?" Lottie asks.

"I'm an intern," Niall says.

"Do you work here?" she goes on. "Do you know Louis?"

"N-No, no, I don't. I'm just… I'm here for a friend," Niall lies.

"Oh," Lottie says, her face falling. "But… you understand all this medical stuff, then? Maybe you could help us understand it a bit more, when they tell us something?"

"I, umm, I dunno if I should--"

"Our mum was a nurse," Lottie adds. "She was always the one who knew what to ask when it came to this sort of stuff."

Niall tries not to let his guilt show on his face at the mention of their mum, but it weighs heavily on him. He wishes he'd just listened to Harry and Zayn, that he'd gone home when he said he would. He can't possibly leave now.

He continues talking to Lottie as the hours pass, always keeping an eye out for anyone who may have an update. Over time he's introduced to each and every one of Louis' family members, and his guilt increases tenfold with each handshake.

Just past the five hour mark is when Niall is sure his luck has run out. He's the first to spot Dr. Rexha and Liam of all people when they come around the corner. There's no time at all for him to hide before they're approaching Louis' family, and Lottie inexplicably reaches for his hand.

"The surgery went perfectly," she says, and every single one of them lets out a relieved breath.

Dr. Rexha goes on to explain the finer details of the surgery while Liam stands dutifully by her side and not-so-subtly stares at Niall nearly the whole time. After she's finished her explanation, she encourages them to all go home and get some rest and to come back tomorrow.

"Louis will remain in the ICU for a day or so, but I'm sure he'd welcome some visitors," Dr. Rexha says with a smile.

Each member of Louis' family take their turns hugging Dr. Rexha and thanking her, and some even hug Liam as well. As they all start gathering their things, Dr. Rexha shoots a pointed look at Niall and he's certain this is it. This is how it all ends.

But then she just walks away. Niall swallows hard and looks at Liam, who stares right back at him as he stays right where he's been standing for the last ten minutes.

"Do you have news about his friend?" Lottie asks when she realizes Liam's still here. She puts her hand on Niall's shoulder in a comforting sort of way, and Liam stares even harder.

Niall can't speak. His brain can't process the situation quick enough to come up with a single thing to say in his defense. Finally, after what seems like forever, Liam speaks.

"Yeah," he says. "C'mon."

He gestures for Niall to follow, turning his back on the group entirely. Niall shakily gets to his feet and is immediately pulled into a hug by Lottie.

"Thank you," she whispers fiercely. "I hope your friend's alright."

"Thanks," he whispers back, hugging her as best he can before he follows after Liam.

He's just barely turned the corner when all of a sudden Liam's standing right in front of him with his arms crossed.

"You're not supposed to be here."

"I know," Niall answers in a low voice.

"Dr. Breslin told you--"

"I couldn't leave him," Niall interrupts, his voice cracking. "Liam, I… I couldn't."

Liam sighs heavily. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs again, like he can't quite decide how to handle this.

"How did it go?" Niall asks.

"You just--"

"Please," he whispers. "Tell me how it really went."

"I shouldn't tell you," Liam says. "You don't have the right to--"

"Please," Niall repeats in a shaky voice. "I have to know."

Liam takes a good long look at him. Niall's sure he looks positively dreadful; he can feel his eyes welled up with tears, he feels like he hasn't slept in weeks.

"Alright," Liam says at last. "C'mon.

They walk slowly along the corridors while Liam goes over every painful detail of the surgery. Every cut, every change, every little thing that happened over the course of the four-hour surgery. By the time they reach the ICU, Niall's heard everything.

"So he's going to be okay?" Niall asks as they both stand outside of Louis' room. He can see Louis through the glass, hooked up to a bunch of machines and looking positively dreadful.

"Yeah," Liam says as he carefully puts his hand on Niall's shoulder. "He's going to be just fine. He's got a new heart, Niall."

No matter how hard Niall was trying to keep it together, he loses all control in a second flat. He wraps himself around Liam and sobs into his shoulder, letting out every single emotion he's been holding in for hours.

Liam, god bless him, just lets him cry. He lets Niall cling to him for as long as he needs to, until he's cried everything out and can take a breath without bursting into tears all over again.

"Sorry," he says as he takes a step back and sees the mess he's left on Liam's scrubs.

"It's alright," Liam replies, giving him a sympathetic smile. He glances at Louis and then back at Niall. "You really care, don't you?"

Niall nods.

"That's good. Sometimes recovery can be harder than the illness, y'know?" Liam pats Niall's shoulder. "I'm glad he'll have you around to help."

"Can I stay?" Niall asks. Liam's hand drops from his shoulder. "Just like, sit with him, or something. Please."

Liam pauses for a moment, and then lets out a long breath. "Alright," he says, "I'll stop by before rounds, because if Dr. Breslin catches you--"

"I know," Niall says.

"Go on," Liam says, "I'll pull the curtains."

*

It's hard for Niall to move. He's just barely inside Louis' room, the curtains are pulled shut and the door is closed so nobody can see him in there, but he still can't move.

Louis just looks so fragile. If Niall couldn't see his chest rising and falling with every breath, he wouldn't know what to think. It's so much harder to see him like this than Niall thought it would be. God knows he's seen so many other patients in Louis' exact situation and looking at them wasn't nearly this hard.

Niall just has to keep telling himself that it's going to be okay.

_Liam said he was going to be okay. Dr. Rexha said he was going to be okay. Everything points to him being okay. Louis is going to be okay._

When Niall finally manages to step forward, he makes a beeline for the end of Louis' bed where his chart is hanging. It's probably silly, and very unnecessary, but he goes over all of the notes just to be sure.

His chart says the same thing Dr. Rexha and Liam did. That Louis' surgery went as well as they could've hoped, and there have been absolutely no signs of any complications or rejection.

Niall lets out a sigh of relief as he puts the chart back. He carefully pulls a chair over to the side of Louis' bed, trying not to make any noise so he won't wake Louis up. He gets as close to the edge of the bed as he can and lays his hand on top of Louis', being extra careful not to disturb any of the wires.

Just a few seconds of holding his hand is enough to set Niall off again, bursting into tears. He covers his mouth and tries to hold in the sound as much as he can, but he can't stop the tears from rolling down his face.

"It's okay, you're okay," Niall whispers. He squeezes Louis' hand and tries to take a deep breath to calm himself.

The tears don't stop for another several minutes, but Niall doesn't let go of Louis' hand not even for a second.

"I was so scared," he whispers once he's calmed down. "So fucking scared, god, I didn't know what to do with myself. I just knew I couldn't leave, y'know? I couldn't leave you all alone here.

"But you're okay. You're going to be just fine, everyone's said so. And your family, they know. They know you're going to be okay. They were here for you too. I, umm, I met them all. They don't know I know you, so that's going to be an interesting talk for us all to have when you're all better.

"But they were here, Lou. And they love you so much. You're so loved, Lou. So, so loved. And I know your mum was here with ‘em. She was watching over you, I just know it. She wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."

Niall pauses for a moment and squeezes Louis' hand again. He looks up at Louis' face, and it's such an overwhelming relief to see that the color's already started to return to his cheeks. For a moment, Niall thinks he's going to start crying all over again.

But he doesn't. He keeps talking to Louis, saying every little thing that pops into his head no matter how insignificant it may be. He knows Louis can't hear him, that he's still out cold from the anesthesia, but it doesn't matter. It helps just to be able to talk to him.

Niall falls silent for a while, watching the monitors for a bit just for peace of mind. It's then that Louis starts to stir. His hand flexes underneath Niall's, but he doesn't shake it off. Niall holds his breath and looks at Louis' face, releasing it in one fell swoop when Louis lazily opens his eyes.

"Niall?" Louis blinks a few times and a smile creeps across his face. "You're here," he croaks out.

Biting his bottom lip to keep from crying again, Niall clears his throat and tries to laugh. "Of course I am, where else would I be?"

Louis carefully takes his hand out from under Niall's and gently touches the side of Niall's face. His fingers trace over the tracks left by Niall's tears and he frowns a little.

"Why were you crying?" he asks, his voice still hoarse.

"Dunno," Niall says, his eyes threatening to fill with tears all over again as he turns his head and presses a kiss into Louis' palm. "Just… crying, I guess."

Louis hums softly as his eyes flutter shut, but he keeps his hand pressed to Niall's face.

"Don't cry for me," he murmurs, "Niall-gentia?"

"Jesus," Niall says, snorting with laughter as he takes Louis' hand away from his face and lays it back down on the bed, lacing their fingers together. "That's terrible."

Louis grins widely with his eyes still closed.

"C'mere," he says after a few seconds of silence. He tries to shift over in the bed, but Niall protests.

"Hey, c'mon, stop. You just had major surgery, you shouldn't be moving."

"Don't care," Louis murmurs.

"Hey," Niall says, getting up from his chair and leaning over the side of Louis' bed, pressing his free hand to the top of Louis' head. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"You're hurting me now," Louis says as he opens his eyes, "by not getting in this bed with me."

Niall rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. "You're the worst, d'you know that?"

Louis grins widely and tugs on Niall's hand, wordlessly egging him on. It takes a bit of work, but Niall manages to climb onto Louis' bed without jostling him too much or messing up any of the important wiring.

Waiting until after he's settled, Louis pulls Niall in for a kiss. After Louis has laid his head back down against his pillow, Niall presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes.

"You scared me, y'know," he whispers softly.

For a moment, he thinks maybe Louis has fallen back asleep. He wouldn't be surprised, after everything he's been through in the last day. But, as always, Louis isn't finished with him yet.

"Didn't mean to," he whispers back. The fatigue is evident in his voice, it sounds like he's fighting to stay awake with every passing second. "Glad you were here when I woke up."

Niall laughs softly and kisses Louis' forehead. "Me too."

 

**Epilogue**

In the end, Niall's far more nervous than Louis seems to be. They've been sitting in Niall's car for the last ten minutes and if they wait any longer, they'll be late to dinner. Louis reaches over and gently pries one of Niall's hands off of the steering wheel and laces their fingers together.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," Niall breathes out sharply, an immediate giveaway that he's _not_. "It's just… y'know."

"We could've just gone for coffee," Louis says, grinning when Niall glares at him.

"No coffee," he says sternly. "You're not supposed to--"

"I know, I know." Louis huffs. He squeezes Niall's hand, a smile returning to his face after only seconds of faking a frown. "You're quite handy to have around, d'you know that?"

Niall flushes. Louis grins even wider as he leans over and presses a kiss to Niall's pink cheek.

"Won't they take the piss if they see us sitting out here in the car?" Louis asks as he glances at the house through the window.

"They're probably spying on us right now," Niall replies with a chuckle.

"Hoping for a free show, then?" Louis wiggles his eyebrows and Niall flushes even darker.

"Alright, c'mon. Let's go inside."

"Spoilsport."

Their hands find each other again as they walk towards the steps up to the front door. Niall pauses briefly to take one more calming breath before he opens the door and leads Louis into the house for the first time. Ferdinand is on them in a flash, barking loudly and jumping all over the two of them.

"Ferd! Stop it!" Harry chastises as he runs in from the living room and pulls the dog backwards, giving Louis and Niall space to recover. "Nick, could you come in here?"

Nick appears as Niall and Louis are taking off their coats, quickly introducing himself to Louis before he tugs Ferdinand into another room, presumably to corral him for the remainder of the evening.

"Sorry about that," Harry says as he offers his hand to Louis in a proper greeting. "Welcome to our home!"

Louis snorts, stifling a laugh as he shakes Harry's hand. His eyes dart over to Niall who's already wishing he could melt into a puddle and forget he ever thought of this disastrous dinner party. Thankfully Harry disappears back into the kitchen, leaving Niall and Louis alone in the hallway.

"This was your idea," Louis whispers.

"Shut up," Niall mutters as he puts his hand on Louis' lower back and guides him into the living room.

Zayn and Perrie are there waiting for them with an opened bottle of wine and several empty glasses. Perrie immediately gets to her feet to greet both Louis and Niall with hugs, whereas Zayn takes his time and gives Louis a rather harsh once-over.

"Zayn," Niall whispers pleadingly.

The disapproving look on Zayn's face disappears in a second, replaced with a smile as he offers his hand to Louis.

"Couldn't help myself," he says, grinning smugly as Niall just about keels over. Louis laughs delightedly as Niall punches Zayn's arm, shooing him back over to the couch where Perrie's waiting for him.

"Is this how it's going to be all night, then?" Niall asks as he and Louis sit down on the couch adjacent to Zayn and Perrie.

"Probably," Zayn replies.

"Don't worry," Perrie says, clapping her hand over Zayn's mouth, "I'm sure Harry will inevitably do something stupid around Nick and it'll take all the attention away from you two lovebirds."

"Cheers," Niall replies as Louis starts laughing again.

As the night wears on it becomes more and more clear that Louis fits into their weird little family better than any of them ever expected. Niall catches himself staring at Louis more often than not, and even when Louis catches him the warm fuzzy feeling in his chest doesn't waver for a moment.

"You fit right in," Niall says later that night as he's driving Louis home.

"Did you have any doubts that I wouldn't?" Louis asks.

Niall glances over at him with a smile, reaching over to lace their fingers together.

"Not even for a second."

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://www.imlouisaf.tumblr.com/)


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